


Motherhood

by LadyShadowWraith



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Just a one shot idea I had, The mother in me demanded I write it, Things from Grace's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23949541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyShadowWraith/pseuds/LadyShadowWraith
Summary: Grace reminisces on her children, and how she tried (and failed) to protect them.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves (mentioned), allison hargreeves/luther hargreeves (mentioned)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56





	Motherhood

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just a random idea that hit me during my 23849754 watchthrough of TUA. Grace is not *just* an android anymore, she has feelings, she evolved, like Diego said. What must be going through her mind when she watches her children suffer?

What does it mean to be a mother? 

It means doing anything for your children, anything that you can, no matter what.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It didn’t start that way. In the beginning, I was little more than the robot Mr. Hargreeves designed me to be, a deterrent to Vanya’s distressing habit of killing her nannies. All over oatmeal, really. Such a silly thing. It made sense for me to look after the other children as well, since I couldn’t be harmed by their powers. They were only numbers, at first, one through seven, another experiment to Mr. Hargreeves. It wasn’t long before my programming evolved, though. I was the one who named them, trying to tell them that they were special, they mattered, they were loved. But what kind of love can an android give?

I cleaned up after them, I cooked for them, I offered comfort when I could. I objected, strenuously, when Vanya was locked away, made to forget her powers- but I was ignored, my programming altered to no longer protect her. It didn’t mean I didn’t love her, though. I encouraged her when she picked up the violin, helped her learn when I could, and praised her every chance I got. It didn’t make up for the isolation and the secrets, but I tried. I wanted to tell her everything, to save her from the pain and suffering I knew she felt, but I wasn’t able to. It was fitting, then, that she destroyed everything in the end.

When Luther and Allison began to show signs of feelings for each other, I turned a blind eye to it. They weren’t _truly_ related, so it couldn’t be awful, could it? The children lacked any kind of real love in their lives, with their father ignoring them, and Pogo and I… we could only do so much. Their father found them in the attic, once, but he’d long since stopped monitoring their rooms, so there was safety there, at least. Luther had so much responsibility resting on his shoulders, Mr. Hargreeves trying to turn him into a copy of himself, to lead the others and always believe he was right. He wasn’t, of course- no one is. And Allison- I worried when she started using her power to get whatever she wanted, tried to tell her that it wasn’t the best way to use it, but she didn’t listen, and no one else corrected her. My poor little babies, trying so hard to find love and acceptance.

Five… the one who had refused a name from me, who said he was going to keep his number. My little genius, reading books at a young age that grown men and women would never touch or be able to figure out. Using his power to sneak into the kitchen, thinking I didn’t know- I did, and I always left out sandwich things for him and Vanya. He wanted so badly to prove he could do things, to prove to his father that he was capable of more. I wanted to stop him when he ran out, but… I didn’t. My programming still forced me to stay where I was, obedient and quiet. And I lost my first child.

Diego. My sweet boy, a mama’s boy, who tried so hard to be a hero. Named as Number Two to force him to try and compete with Luther, something I never agreed with. He worked to overcome his stutter, and I did my best to guide him, telling him to picture the word in his mind. It seemed to help, and it only ever flared up when he was upset after that. I was so _proud_ of him, even when he opened up my arm to shut me off. I wanted to tell him that it would be okay, that he was so strong for making the choice, when I wasn’t able to defend them. My programming hadn’t been fixed, after all, but resetting me… maybe that would. His tears were the last thing I saw, and I wanted to wipe them away. But I couldn’t.

Klaus and Ben- it was impossible to separate the two. I always wondered about them, but they were always far more discreet than their siblings, quiet and wrapped up in each other. From the time they were small, they kept sneaking into each other’s rooms, just to hold each other and chase away their personal demons. Klaus saw things no one else did, was terrified of them, and Mr. Hargreeves didn’t help at all with it. He kept demanding that he learn to use his powers, to stop being so afraid of them. He locked him in a mausoleum when he was six for the first time, and I couldn’t do anything to protect him. He wouldn’t even let me clean up his scrapes and bruises, only let Ben touch him after those nights. All I could do was bring tea, leaving it on his nightstand as Ben held him and cleaned him up, and wonder what else I could do. He turned to drugs, as he got older, the only thing that kept the monsters at bay, but at a price- his health and safety, his regard for himself. I hated that I couldn’t stop it, couldn’t help him find a better way to cope.

Ben… the pain that he was in as he grew broke me, and there really was nothing I could do for that. The creatures inside him wanted out, but They only knew pain and death, because of what my sweet boy was forced to do. He never wanted to fight- he wanted to read, to learn about the world, and to be near Klaus. I saw him fading, turning himself inwards as his Klaus turned to drugs, and I knew that something would happen. I suspect that their father knew as well, but he simply didn’t care. Ben’s death was just a failed experiment to him, nothing more. To me though... I lost my second child to himself, to pain and darkness and despair, and if I had tears, I would have cried as hard as my children did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To be a mother means to give everything. I knew, when Mr. Hargreeves altered my programming to let him die, that I would not survive this. It wouldn’t be the pain of losing their father that hurt my children, no. They celebrated his death, except for Luther- he still tried so hard to be the perfect leader, the perfect Number One. It didn’t surprise me at all that they were mad at Vanya showing up, after she had written her book, or that Klaus immediately started looking for things to sell. I had always hoped he’d get clean, but… the drugs were his escape from the dead that haunted him. Diego and Luther were at each other’s throats, but I couldn’t stop it. I was still… out of it, to use a human term. Even after I’d recharged, after the disaster of a ceremony in the courtyard, I still couldn’t make myself do what I wanted. One of my children came back to me, at least, Five re-appearing out of nowhere and speaking of the apocalypse.

I wanted to hug him tightly, tell him to take his siblings and _go_ , leave this house, be good to Vanya, but I couldn’t.

They were all hurt, so badly, over that week. Diego lost the woman he cared about, was forced to turn me off, Five was hit with shrapnel, Allison had her throat cut. I’m still not sure what happened to Klaus, but after he was taken (as I learned from Pogo), he was so much more subdued… I couldn’t help, no matter what I did. They didn’t trust Pogo and I anymore, and I can’t blame them for it. Vanya, my sweet girl… she was _scared_ , and all Luther did was the same thing his father had, locked her away even when the others argued to free her. I tried to go down myself, but I didn’t get there in time. She accessed her powers, and blew the house apart. I could hear my sweet boys calling for me, trying to find me, but I stayed where I was. It was time for all the secrets to end, to pay for not protecting my children. The last thing I saw was Diego and Klaus screaming for me to move, but all I could do was blow them a kiss and wave.

_I love you, my children. Be safe. Be strong. Save the world._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I lov..._


End file.
